What A Husband Needs To Understand About His Wife

Jun 9, 2011

Several weeks ago I wrote this article to women about what their husbands need to hear from them and it turned out to be the second most popular blog article ever written on this website.  (The first most popular was my response to Rob Bell’s book about hell.)

So…today I wanted to challenge the men with the one thing I think you need to know about your wife (or the one thing most wives would say to their husband.)


Too many men today make the assumption that they can work 12 hours a day, spend all of their spare time playing golf and/or pursuing their favorite hobby and sit and watch the same episode of Sports Center for hours and hours and their wife is ok with it because he happens to bring home the paycheck.

I’ve had talks with men about this misconception before and they tell me one of two things…

#1 – I will slow down one day!  This is a lie…even if the man fully believes it.  AND, if “one day” ever does arrive it will be a day full of regrets because the husband/father chose to pursue money and position and, as a result, had his own family become strangers that he tried to spend a week out of every year with.

Yes, we should work hard…but working hard and being insane are two separate things.  We are called to provide for our family…but not to sacrifice them.

#2 – My wife loves me, I know I’m not around a lot…but she would never divorce/leave me.

DUDE, if having your wife “not leave you” is the only goal you have for your marriage then you officially suck as a husband.

Our goal as men should not be to “barely hold on to her,” but rather to love her like Christ loves the church (He gives His church TIME), to talk to her with gentle words (see I Peter 3:7), to be patient with her, to strive to be understanding towards her and to serve her well…and this cannot be done if we are always at work, always with “the boys’ or always asking her to please talk to us only during the commercials.

She wants you there…with her!  (Unless she’s a gold digger…then she’s happy with your presents and not your presence!)

She wants you to listen to her (and…by the way…she’s detailed!)

She wants your undivided attention…which means you have to purposefully set aside time with her and without your cell phone and/or computer.

AND…her wanting/expecting that from you ISN’T irrational.  You are HER HUSBAND!  You cannot delegate that calling/responsibility.

She wants time with you.

So…how are you doing?  (Ask her!)