I know, I know…I’ve talked a lot about being a dad on the blog and at church…GET OVER IT!!! :-) I am PUMPED UP…BUT…I am also a little scared because of the transition I have seen people make when they transition to parenthood…the following are my top fears…
#1 - The Transition To A Mini-Van.
Currently I drive an SUV and ‘Cretia drives a sports car. She is SERIOUS about never driving a mini van…she just doesn’t like “big vehicles.” AND me…well…I have ZERO desire to place myself behind the wheel of a mini van. (Although my good buddy Mark is pumped about his!) It’s just hard to look cool in a mini van!!!
#2 - The Installation Of Car Seats.
I know…ALL cool points are lost when a car is prepared for the kid. Trust me…no matter HOW big the truck is or how large the tires happen to be…you just lose the macho factor when you put a car seat in it.
I AM going to install car seats…I do want “baby Noble” to be safe—the thing that scares me is that I have literally watched my friends try to get a car seat in a car for around 15 minutes…and I am PRAYING now that God will allow me to have the “easy in-stall” car seats. (Do these things even exist?)
#3 - Getting “Sprayed” While Changing A Diaper.
I’ve been told it’s BAD with boys…but girls will do it as well. Nearly every parent I talk with has taken a pee pee shower, compliments of their child!
#4 - Being More Aware Of What I Say & Do.
I have a friend who has a six year old little girl who was riding with me in the car a few weeks ago. We passed a speed limit sign and she looked at me and said, “Uh, Perry—that sign said 25 and you are doing more than that!” BUSTED!!!
I have some other friends who have taught their children that “stupid” is a bad word…but they neglected to tell me…so I used the word in front of their girls and they both looked at me and said, “ooooo, mommy, Perry said a bad word!”
And I won’t even BEGIN to tell the stories of what I know about parents and their personal lives from the time I served in children’s ministry—kids will tell all!!!
#5 - Saying Things That Are Completely Irrational.
Parents do this all of the time—they say things and ask questions of kids that confuse the heck out of them and make no sense…such as the following..
- “Do you want a spanking?” Call me crazy…but I have never heard a child answer yes to this. Parents, you cannot ask this question to your kids—doing so makes them feel as if they have a choice!
- “Who do you think I am?” No comment!
- “Who do you think you are?”
- “If you cut your legs off with that lawn mower—don’t come running to me.”
- “Be quiet before I give you something to cry about!”
#6 - Becoming An Expert At Counting To Three
You know what I’m talking about—a child misbehaves and the parent tells them to stop—they don’t stop and so the parent begins to count…
ONE - still no change
TWO - here is the look of desperation WITHOUT a change in behavior
THREE - here the prohibited behavior stops…ALWAYS at three!
I know, I know…I will probably do it…it’s just funny to watch!
Oh yeah…I also fear the use of the middle name. For example, when I was growing up & my mother said, “PERRY,” it caught my attention…but when she said, “PERRY BENJAMIN NOBLE” I knew my rear end was in trouble!
#7 - Acting Like A Complete Idiot
I’ve heard it said that if you want to lower the IQ in a room by 50 points per person…put a baby in the middle of it. Adults will do all sorts of things to try to get a baby to smile…and say things they would NEVER say to a grown up. (Seriously—when was the last time you asked your boss did he “poopy woopy his pants?”)
That’s about it for now—I know that more will come—I AM looking forward to being a dad…and have began the process of SERIOUSLY examining the Scriptures to see what the Bible says about being a parent…WOW!!!