So What’s With All The Forwards?

Oct 11, 2006

Let me put a Disclaimer Right Here:  This post will be highly offensive to some (don’t take it personally!)  Others simply will not get this post.  And yet others will laugh hysterically and link it…there, I just about covered it…so here we go.

I have gotten a TON of “forwards” lately—A TON!  I used to enjoy these as they would periodically come in from time to time; however, due to the volume of forwards I have received lately I have decided that I will no longer open any of them.  The mere presence of “FW” in the subject section of the message will cause me to automatically delete the message.

I know this presents many different problems for me…I struggle with this as I have reviewed my forwards…I mean, without opening forwards how would I be aware of the following…

#1 - Apparently my love for Jesus Christ is directly linked to the number of people I will forward a message to…and I feel horrible for this because I don’t forward the messages that tell me to do so OR risk NOT LOVING JESUS!

I’ve got to admit those are the ones I HATE the most…Jesus said nothing about our love for Him being linked to the number of forwards we send…and so I will continue to be one of those guys who just doesn’t love Jesus as much as the person who fills their friends inbox with a ton of forwards.

#2 - If it were not for forwards I would have been totally unaware of the kid in Florida who is dying…and his dying wish is to set a world record by receiving the most cards that any person has ever received.  There is usually an address attached to this forward…and a very sad story.

First of all—this is not true…if it is then this kid has been dying for about 10 years now!  (I began doing the e-mail thing in 1996 and actually received this forward then!)  Also—I feel sorry if there is a kid at the address given in this forward…can you imagine this poor kid going to his mailbox every day and getting a card that says, “Sorry you are about to die…”  Talk about something that will mess up your day!

BTW—this forward was caused by an urban legend that began as as story about a boy in England—you can read about it here.  

#3 - If it were not for forwards I would totally be unaware that there is a computer virus out there that will erase your hard drive and shut down your system forever.  Apparently this virus doesn’t stop there—it will also melt any ice cream that is in your freezer, cause your car to stop operating, make your children begin to set cats on fire, and allow your television to be continually stuck on the Soap Opera channel.  (By the way—this is also not true.)

#4 - If it were not for forwards I would be unaware that GAP and American Eagle apparently sent out an e-mail…and everyone who forwards the e-mail to at least 10 people will receive a gift certificate from them in the amount of $100.  I have gotten so many of these it is flippin’ ridiculous…and no one has ever told me that GAP or AE sent them anything.

#5 - Without forwards I would have never been able to see what happens when men go skydiving in the nude.  (Yes…someone DID send this to me.  NO…I will NOT forward it to you.  YES…it did make me want to throw up!)

#6 - Without forwards I would have never seen things like athletes break their legs…and an alligator rip some dude in Japan’s arm off!!!  (Once again…I will NOT send that to you!!!)

#7 - And finally—without forwards I would never know what happens when you put baby powder on a child’s butt and he poots!  (Yes, it does produce a cloud of smoke—NO, I will not forward that one to you either!)

I could go on—the point is this—friends don’t “forward” things to friends…and if they do…at least they disguise the subject line by removing the “FW” out of it!  Just being honest.

BTW—for those who may think this message is solely for you (I did have three forwards sent to me this morning)—you are taking yourself way too seriously—lighten up…relax…enjoy life…and stop sending me forwards!!!  :-)