How It Feels When People Leave
My dad always told me when I was growing up that you can please some people all the time, and you can please all people some of the time—but you can’t please all the people all of the time.
I never understood that until I became a pastor!
I read today some stats on pastors that floored me…but I can see that they are true. Did you know that the average pastoral career lasts only 14 years and around 1,500 pastors leave the church they are serving EVERY month!
One of the toughest things I have dealt with as a pastor is when people leave the church. Pastors, church leaders—understand this—PEOPLE WILL LEAVE YOUR CHURCH! You could stand at your door and pass out $100 bills to every person every single Sunday and there would be someone who got upset about it. (If you do begin this—please call me, I want to come to your church—at least for a Sunday or two—I want an ipod & $200 should cover it!)
And when people leave—it hurts. You never want people to leave—wait—strike that comment, I would be lying if I said that…there has been an occasion or two when, after certain people left that God began to move and do great things—I call them “backdoor revivals!”
However, for the most part—you do not want to lose people. I had a hard time dealing with this until I was reading in John 6 where Jesus laid out the requirements for being a follower of Him…and the Bible clearly says that on that day many turned away because His message was too radical.
What was His response? He didn’t chase them! He didn’t promise to try to make them happy! He didn’t begin to worry about how much money they gave! He let them go…and then turned to the Apostles and asked, “Do you want to leave to?” In other words, Jesus did not EVER compromise the vision God gave Him. He wanted to minister to people—but not at the cost of quitting on God!
I think there are about three or four major things that people leave our church over…
#1 - Our Style Of Music
We hear comments like, “the music is too loud,” or, “you guys use secular music…and that is not Biblical.” (If you think that is the case then I guess you have a problem with Paul quoting secular poetry on Mars Hill in Acts 17—he understood culture and used it to reach people for the Kingdom!!! Jesus used modern day illustrations in additions to His Biblical ones…c’mon, open up that mind of yours!!)
But our vision on music has not changed. Our feelings are that there are hundreds of churches that do “the old fashioned” music within a 10 minute driving distance of our church…and if people want it then they can go there; however, statistics show that 48% of our county DOES NOT attend church on Sunday—and it isn’t because they can’t find one—we have a church on every corner—so we decided to put out the product of Jesus Christ with different packaging…and it reaches people that are not being reached by other churches. It IS NOT a matter of right and wrong—but personal preference!!!
By the way—we do hymns occasionally—and Lee, well, he does them with passion and excellence…and people always love them—but they also love hearing U2 and Creed! As long as the message is not compromised—no problem!
#2 - The Size of Our Church
We hear it murmured in the community, “I don’t think I could go to a church that big!” My question is, “Why not?” The church was NEVER intended to be a supper group or a country club with a steeple on top—we were called to reach people for Christ.
Every time you see the church in the book of Acts…it’s growing! People are being reached, lives are being changed…it’s awesome!
There is a problem with churches that do not grow! They have neglected the very command of Jesus when He said to reach the world—that was His commission; unfortunately many merely view it as a suggestion nowadays because if the church begins to reach people then certain people will no longer have political pull within an unbiblical leadership structure. (More on that @ another time.)
When people tell me that our church is too big I always ask, “What am I supposed to do—shut the doors and begin to tell people, ‘I am sorry—we have reached our capacity—you are going to have to go to hell because if you come in here brother and sister so and so are going to feel uncomfortable!’”
Not while I am the pastor—we are called to reach people—we will grow. And as we grow larger we will grow smaller with our new home groups system. That is where the real ministry takes place within the church. God NEVER intended that one man, the pastor, do all of the ministry while the rest of the church sat on its rear end! If the people do the ministry then the church can grow and it is no problem. Which leads to my next point…
#3 - “I Cannot Go To A Church Where I Cannot Know The Pastor.”
Once again, incredibly unbiblical!!! Read Acts chapter two where 3,000 were saved and baptized in one day—do you think all of them had a relationship with Peter—the dude that preached the message? NO!!! It wasn’t about who knew the pastor—but rather who knew Jesus, He is the One who makes the difference.
I love people—I am a people person! I love speaking to people in the community. I love to have lunch and supper with people. I love sitting at Brusters, eating birthday cake ice cream, and having conversations will people that roll through the drive through. However, there is no way I can know every single person who comes to our church and still maintain a sane lifestyle…and keep my marriage together!!!
It’s not a one man show—it’s not about hanging out with me—it’s about the kingdom! I wish I could grill hot dogs with every person who attends—but it’s not realistic…and it is not Biblical. There is not one instance in Scripture where the ministry was centered around one man—but there are tons of examples where the ministry was centered around community…and the leadership was provided by a group of able people who were equipped to make the right decisions.
#4 - Wait until tomorrow—it will take a while to develop.
The bottom line is that people will leave. When they do always look & make sure that you have not done anything unbiblical. But if they leave because of you staying on track with the vision then do not feel bad. You are not their pimp or their prostitute—it’s not your job to make them feel good—you are their pastor…and it is your job to lead them in the way that God leads you.
Check back in tomorrow!