A Few Thoughts About Depression
Confession: I used to look down on people who said they wrestled with depression. I merely thought they were making excuses for being miserable, and that if they would pray and read their Bible more they would just magically get better...
...and then it hit me...
...I mean REALLY hit me...
It was subtle at first, beginning with "I don't want to get out of bed today" thoughts.
After that it was as if a dark cloud was following me around - and I just could not shake being in a sad mood.
Did I tell anyone?
Hell no!
I was a pastor of one of the largest churches in the country, I was an author and conference speaker. People wanted to hear from me about things like leadership, courage, strength and passion--if I let people know I was dealing with depression they would not want me anymore.
So - I did what so many people with depression do - I internalized it and prayed like crazy for God to take it away.
It didn't go away!
Pretty soon the not wanting to get out of bed and being in a sad mood gave way to, "maybe this world would be better without me," and then eventually, "maybe I should take my own life."
How INSANE is that - from an external point of view everything was going RIGHT - but internally my world was falling apart and I was losing my very will to live.
Fortunately, I FINALLY let a few people know and was able to get the help I so desperately needed. After a ton of counseling it went away and I was all better...
...or so I thought.
I came back - like one of the nightmares you just can't get away from. And this time it was accompanied with anxiety attacks (I literally thought I was dying when I had my first one!)
This time I internalized it as well, for - but - I could not shake it. I did cry out for help--but feel like people just didn't know what to do - thus causing me to dive headfirst into a habit that allowed me to experience temporary relief, but ultimately blew my life apart.
In my battle with depression I've learned a few things - and hopefully this will encourage and inform people who have questions about the issue.
#1 - People Who Are Depressed Don't Want To Be Depressed!
I know there are some out there who would argue with me on this - but you would be wrong.
As someone who has struggled with depression there is no way you could ever convince me someone actually wants to feel like shit every single day of their life!
Everything about it SUCKS!
As someone who has struggled with it at extreme levels there is no way someone actually wants to feel that way!
#2 - Depression Cannot Be Prayed Away!
Yes, there are instances where the miraculous has taken place!
Yes, I believe Jesus can heal people!
However, I also know that having people pray for your depression to go away--and then it not go away--makes you feel like a spiritual failure.
Depression can be brought about by traumatic events that have taken place in a person's life - AND/OR by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
Medicine and counseling are often needed to help a person work through what they are wrestling with.
#3 - Depressed People Are Desperate For Relief
Why do depressed people dive into destructive behaviors?
Simple - they just want relief!
"But the relief they find is only temporary" someone once told me.
While what they said was true - when you are in PAIN - temporary relief is better than no relief at all.
Which is why we have GOT TO make the world a safer place for people who wrestle with depression to be honest/vulnerable!
In Romans 12 Paul tells us we should rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Unfortunately the Christian community has tried to make those who mourn rejoice--and when joy cannot be experienced the depressed person is either looked down on, gossiped about or thrown out altogether.
#4 - Depressed People Do Not Need Lectures, They Need Love.
One of the most horrible things you can say to a depressed person is, "Just stop feeling that way!" (And one of the dumbest as well!)
As I said earlier - no one actually WANTS to feel that way!
No one wants to immerse themselves in behavior that is going to destroy their lives.
No one wants to feel sad and like they are not enough for their family and friends.
And when people try to fix them rather than understand them they are doing more harm than good.
Sometimes the best thing to do is listen, give them a hug and then help them find legitimate help.
Final thing - depression CAN be overcome - but it won't happen overnight. There is hope--but healing of any kind take time. And - as followers of Jesus we need to stop trying to speak about things we really don't understand--and actually take the time to identify with the person who is hurting.