I hear those words in my mind a lot!
I have always battled with my weight…ALWAYS. I was the “fat kid” in school beginning in about the third grade…and remained “the fat kid” all the way until my junior year in high school. (One of the worse lies in the world is, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Honestly, there are many times in my past that I would have preferred sticks and stones rather than the words spoken to and about me!)
So…the other day I walked into Chic Fil A with Charisse and ran into a couple of awesome families who attend our church…and one of the teenage girls commented to her father, “daddy, he’s (meaning me) really skinny.” The dad told me about it and, honestly, that was a VERY encouraging comment. Until…
Later on that day the thoughts FLEW through my mind, “you’re not skinny; in fact, your a fat a#@!” (I know that seems crude to some…but I’m being as honest as I know how to be…it was brutal!)
I thought back to the visit to the doctors office when I stepped on the scale and it said 280 (I was in the 9th grade…eventually got to over 300!)
I thought back to the time I had to go get a suit in the 10th grade and my pants size was a 50!
I felt defeated, heck, I think I actually felt my jeans getting tighter and tighter as I wrestled with who I used to be. Pictures of my past began flying through my mind…I began to revisit feelings of when I was in school and could not participate in certain activities because I was too huge. I thought about the time I went to a theme park and had to ride a roller coaster alone because I was too fat for a person to ride next to me.
I seriously was about to lose my mind…until…I had this thought, “If I allow my past to define me then I will NEVER truly become who God wants me to be!”
Some people cannot enjoy their present OR step into the potential of their future because they continue to place themselves in the prison of their past.
I’ve said it before…I will say it again, if you don’t let your past die then it won’t let you live!
One of the realities that I have to constantly remind myself of is what Paul wrote in II Corinthians 5:17…in Christ I am a BRAND NEW CREATION, the OLD has gone and the new has come!!! Who I was is NOT who I am…meeting Jesus completely changed not only my eternal destination, but also my identity while I am still here on this planet.
In ministry I’ve met so many people who just can’t seem to understand then fact that IN CHRIST we are completely forgiven! His invitation in Isaiah 1:18 is breathtaking…that if we will come to Him that He will wash us and make us whiter than snow!
For many of us who have a somewhat shady past it is literally one of those deals where you may have to tell yourself, even out loud at times, “in Christ I am completely accepted and completely forgiven!”
2,000 years ago with the birth and eventual death and resurrection of Jesus EVERYTHING changed. Because of Him who I used to be no longer has to define me…I am free.
Two more thoughts…
#1 - Next week I will do a post on how and why I finally decided to battle my weight issues.
#2 - We will deal with getting past my past in the upcoming “Make War” series that begins on January 9th!