Sep 15, 2008

Three Truths To Keep In Mind When Trying To Resolve Conflict—Part One

One of the biggest problems that I believe exists among church leaders is unresolved conflict.

We are living in a dream world if we actually believe that people who serve together on a team will never get angry at someone; however, here are three things that I have tried to personally impliment in my life that helps resolve the conflict.

#1 - Understand That E-mail Does Not Work!  

E-mail is a powerful and useful tool when it comes to communicating information.  BUT…should be TOTALLY AVOIDED when trying to resolve conflict.

I learned in college that 80-90% of all communication is non-verbal.  With that being the case—e-mail would eliminate one of the most important aspects of communication, therby leaving room for LOTS of misunderstanding.

I have gotten SO ANGRY at people over an email before, thinking they meant one thing when, in actuality, they meant something totally different.  AND…when I finally had the guts to have a face to face conversation and bring up their “hurtful” comments in the email…they have looked at me like I was on crack and said, “Man, I am sorry you thought that…but that is not at all what I meant.”

I recently violated this first rule recently.  I heard something that bothered me…and so instead of having a face to face conversation with the team I serve with & finding out the facts…I shot out an email with certain demands and hard hitting statements.


When people’s feelings are involved it is SO WORTH THE TIME to either break off a phone call…or walk down the hall to have a conversation.

As I said…I was recently reminded of that…and even though it takes a lot more effort to not utilize email in this arena…it keeps the relationships with the people I work with both fresh and conflict free.

Oh yeah…the same thing can be true for texting as well!

Once more…when emailing people can’t see or hear your heart or your tone…it is SO WORTH the time to talk face to face!

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