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Jan 12, 2018

The First Time I Was Molested…

I can remember it like it was yesterday...

...where I was...

...what he said to "lure" me in...

...and how I felt when it was happening.   

I was around five years old - yet here I am 41 years later, and the memories of that day, at times, still torment my soul.  

I didn't tell anyone about it as I knew what was happening was not right.

So I kept it in, buried it down deep--for 17 years...

...and in my silence there was suffering, shame and the sense that what had happened was actually my fault.

I thought if I stayed silent about it then it would not happen again (it did) - that I would not get into trouble and that the memories associated with it would go away.  

Honestly, I am still embarrassed about it even as I write these words.  

So why I am writing this today...

Simple - to let those know who have been sexually abused that it is not your fault.   

To let you know you do not have to carry that burden buried deep in your soul.  

To let you know that talking about it with someone you love and trust is actually your first step away from the shame that has dominated you for far too long.  

To let you know the sooner you ask for help - the sooner you can begin to experience freedom from the pain that has paralyzed you . 

When I was in treatment a year and a half ago my therapist traced back the beginning of trauma that snowballed to an uncontrollable crescendo to this event--and one of my biggest regrets in life is not talking about this sooner.  

This is my story...and I share it hoping and praying it is not yours.  

That if you have experienced sexual abuse you will not bury it down deep and hope it goes away (it doesn't) - but rather step out of the shadows where shame has dominated you for far too long and ask for help.  

It was not your fault!  

Let me say it again - it was not your fault.  

And it does not matter if you were 5, 15 or 25 - it was wrong, and the enemy wants to use that event to do unimaginable damage to your soul...

...but you are stronger than his steady suggestion to stay silent...

...and there is an escape from the shame - I promise.  

I would be lying if I said I was completely over it - there are still days when I experience guilt, shame and even anger.  

However, today I live in freedom from thinking it was my fault - and my hope and prayer in sharing this is you will experience the same as well.  

What happened to you does not have to be the thing that defines you!

And asking for help does not mean you are weak - it's actually a sign of strength!  

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