The BEST Thing You Can Do For Someone Who Is Hurting

Two words:  Be there

It is a difficult thing to know someone who is going through a really tough time (whether the situation was caused by them OR something that simply happened to them.)  

In either case, it’s often awkward when we are around them, and because of this we are tempted to take three equally erroneous approaches.  

#1 - We avoid them

This is understandable; after all, we don’t really know what to say to them, OR, maybe we are angry and feel it would be better if we were not around them. 

I can honestly say there have been times in my own life when I simply chose to avoid hurting people because it was the easiest thing to do.  

However, hurting people need help from people being present with them more than they need anything else—period.  

I think about when Peter denied Christ—three times, even after saying he would never do so.  

Afterwards he undoubtedly felt guilt and shame, and in John 21 we see him go back to fishing, what he was doing before meeting Jesus (which is often the thing people who deal with guilt and shame retreat to.)  

However, instead of avoiding Peter, Jesus pursued him, called out to him and reinstated him—and the presence of Jesus in his life made a huge difference.   

If we are going to be like Jesus we must be willing to embrace the awkwardness of trying out best to reach out to those in our lives who we know are hurting - it will impact them (and us) in ways we could never imagine.  

#2 - We Respond To Make Ourselves Feel Better.  

What do I mean?  

Simple - we send them a text that says something along the lines of…

• “Love you”
• “Praying for you”  
• “Hope you are doing well”  

When it comes down to it - we send those texts to make us feel better about ourselves, not because we actually care about the other person.  

(What if Jesus had decided to simply send Peter a letter rather than personally pursuing him?  I don’t think we would have seen the same results!)  

Maybe we really are praying for them, and maybe we would argue convincingly that we love them - however, sending a text without actually following up with a phone call or even sharing a meal with them causes the person on the receiving end to eventually see through the disguised efforts and understand the other person doesn’t actually care about them - they care about making themselves feel good.  

#3 - We Try To Make Things Better.  

Scripture says in Romans 12:15, " Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” 

However, we’ve completely rearranged this verse to say, “Rejoice with those who rejoice…and if people are mourning—then MAKE them rejoice.”  

Often times we do this by saying things such as…

• “He/she is in a better place” - said to a person who has just lost someone dear.  OR - my personal “favorite” that was said to me when my mother died, “God just needed another flower in His garden.”
• “God uses all things for His good” - which is TRUE, but doesn’t always need to be said to someone.

I could go on - but all of us have had things said to us that caused us to shake our heads in disbelief, NOT because those things were not true, but because we did not need to hear them at that particular time.  

If you’ve ever read through the book of Job you know he had three friends who were basically idiots.  Their legalistic approach to his sufferings caused God to rebuke them quite firmly at the end of the book.  

However, they did do one thing right as we see in Job 2:11-13

11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

They sat with them for seven days without saying a word—WOW!  (I can’t sit for seven seconds without opening my mouth!)  In fact, when they DID open their mouths is when the problems began.  

What I’m not saying is there is not a time where we do not need to speak into certain situations; after all, Proverbs 12:18 says, "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

However, more often than not we should simply allow ourselves to rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn.  

All of us have hurting people in our lives.  I can tell you from personal experience that those who have the biggest impact on me personally are not the ones who have stood at a distance, but the ones who have called, cried and spent time with me, even when they were uncertain as to what to say.  

The Lord has used this in an enormous way to teach me how to be a better friend when I see people suffering.  Jesus ran towards the mess, not away from it—and His followers should do the same.