Pastors and Sexual Sin

May 20, 2010

Dear Pastor,

Sexual temptation IS going to HIT you…there’s nothing you can really do about it except deciding NOW to MAKE WAR and actually do what God commands of us in Nehemiah 4:14.  (I wrote an article a while back entitled, “Keep your penis in your pants” that may be worth reading if you haven’t yet.)

My advice for those facing extreme sexual temptation…

#1 - Don’t buy the lie - you KNOW that satan is a lair (John 8:44) and that all he is offering you is a counterfeit.  The “ideal” scenerio that you have in your mind in regards to that affair isn’t going to play out.  You’ve seen it in SO MANY PEOPLE…don’t allow the enemy to convince you that you will be the exception.

#2 - Don’t use David as an excuse!  If I hear it again I am going to throw up, “But David committed adultery and was called a man after God’s own heart.”  Uh…yeah…but he REPENTED (which means he turned away from his sin instead of diving deeper into it and then screaming that people needed to show him grace!)  He also had sexual sin in his family for generations, had a daughter raped and a son rebel against him.  You are a FOOL if you think that your children are not going to suffer the consequences all because you were more passionate about an orgasm than Jesus.

#3 - GET HELP!!!  If you are struggling with temptation…TELL SOMEBODY that you KNOW loves Jesus and loves you.  “But Perry, if I do it may get bad.”  I would say if you DON’T it WILL get bad!!!  Get some great men around you, confess the problem and then submit to their leadership.

#4 - Don’t blame others for your screw up - IF you choose not to listen to men who sincerely love you and want to try to protect you, your marriage and your church then don’t scream that they and the church turned their back on you when it was actually you that decided to pull your pants down and put things where they did not belong.  You are not the victim once you decide to take this step…and sin has consequences.  And that’s not being judgmental…its simply declaring the truth!

BTW…your “friends” aren’t the one who rally around you and affirm your sin…they are the ones that DO love you, do beg God for you to repent, do speak truth and do hurt for you more than you know!  AND…the church didn’t turn its back on you when you sinned…you turned your back on her!!!

#5 - Don’t think your sexual sin is going to give you long term satisfaction - If you are a pastor and you have an affair with a lady in your church then you’ve GOT to understand that what attracted her to you (integrity, godly character) is now SHATTERED the minute you have sex with her…and sooner or later the blinders will come off of her eyes and she will see what you really are.

#6 - STOP expecting your wife to be impressed with you - bro, she’s seen you in the nude, there is NOTHING you could do to ever impress her!!!  Seriously…she is NOT your servant but rather your opportunity to SERVE.  If you want her to treat you like a rock star then you are on dangerous ground because you will hop in the sack with the first lady that does.

#7 - Set guard rails in place - Don’t travel alone…don’t ride in a car with a lady alone…don’t counsel a woman alone…JUST DON’T!  We KNOW the areas we are tempted in…and for us to NOT establish some sort of boundaries is simply stupid!  AND…if some people think that these kinds of things are extreme…it’s BECAUSE THEY ARE!!!

Can God forgive sexual sin?  ABSOLUTELY!  He is a God who loves unconditionally!  BUT…pastors/church leaders…PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS ONE…God’s Kingdom is TOO important for ANY one of us to sell out for momentary pleasure.  We’ve GOT to fight…we’ve GOT to RUN FROM THIS TEMPTATION (I Corinthians 6:18-20!)

AND…one more thing, Jesus didn’t die on a cross so people that claim to follow Him could run around and screw whoever they want and then scream “grace” and “you’re being judgmental” when people point out the sin and plead for repentance!

We’ve GOT to fight through this men…we’ve GOT to ask for help and have integrity…our ministries and marriages AND THE CROSS are TOO IMPORTANT to sell out for sex…I’m praying Psalm 69:6 for all of us!