Keepin’ It Real

Aug 18, 2005

I have so much to learn! The more I read and study the more I discover how little I know. However, one of the lessons I have learned as a pastor over the past five years is one that I wish every leader in America could discover. This lesson has helped me to connect with a disconnected people…and God has used this lesson to draw people into the kingdom. What is this lesson?

No matter what—stay real!

When most people come to church they are already carrying a sense of guilt with them—along with the thought that, “no one else is struggling with this!” Then a pastor gets up to talk, and when he uses personal illustrations they are always about how perfect he is and how many things he has done right this makes people feel like dirt..and what this does most of the time is completely disconnects this person from him because they feel they could never achieve his standard of living.

I learned when I began to pastor that people appreciate honesty…and so when I communicate I not only speak of my successes in life—but my failures as well. I tell the husbands the mistakes I have made in marriage. My church knows that I have a problem with getting angry when people pull out in front of me. (I actually confessed that at times cuss words pop into my mind!) And yesterday’s post on porn…I actually preached an entire message on the subject once…and a man who had been unchurched for years actually made the decision to become a part of our church because of me being willing to share my struggle.

I know, I know…some may be thinking, “But Perry, people need someone to look up to.” The way I see it—it is our job to point people to Jesus, not ourselves. Because of this conviction I am very transparent…and the people who attend New Spring appreciate it. I have told them before, “If you are looking for a church with the perfect pastor you need to keep movin’ because this ain’t it!” (I’m Southern!)

Also—be real in the way you relate to people. I once had an older pastor tell me to never allow anyone to call me by my first name…it always needed to be “pastor” or “reverend.” That might work for some people—but not for me. If I have to demand that you put a title in front of my name then the respect level is probably bottomed out. I just try to be real—and so when people ask me, “Now what do I call you,” the answer is always, “Perry!”

Don’t get me wrong—I do not have confession time with the church and share every one of my inmost thoughts; however, if I am speaking on a subject and I am struggling with it…or either have struggled with it in the past—then I simply share that struggle with the congregation—and if I have managed to conquer that struggle then I share how so that others may learn from my pain.

So if you are a pastor—or in the ministry—then remember—we are not called to be heroes. We are not called to deceive people into thinking there are no problems in our lives. We are called to be real—to share honestly with our people…and to teach them through our experiences, both good and bad.

One more thing—I don’t go around making myself sound like the bad person all the time—I do share the successes that God allows me to experience—with everything in life I believe in balance when it comes to this area. Just like the people at New Spring don’t need to view me as “Perfect Perry,” they also don’t need to see me as, “Perry the Pagan” either.

How do I maintain balance here? Simple—I just keep it real. I walk with the Lord…and when I stumble…and it fits into a talk—I place it there. I don’t know if this will work for you—but I know for a fact it has helped me to connect to people who have felt disconnected for a long time. As we learn it is our obligation to pass it on—no matter how exciting or painful it may be.

Keep it real—you will be loved for it!