I did a post entitled "Five Things A Single Dude Needs To Know" that I felt like really challenged guys and gals... at least the e-mails proved that to be true. One of the questions I received for several week after was, “What about the girls, when are you going to challenge them?” Well— here it goes...
#1 - Girls Chase Boys, Women Wait To Be Pursued.
Ladies, please believe me when I say that if you are pursuable then a godly man will take notice at just the right time… wait. If you have to pursue a guy and initiate all of the conversations and planning then the dude is not ready to lead... which would automatically disqualify him biblically from being your husband.
Ladies—admit it—the desire of your heart is to know that someone thinks you are lovely enough to pursue. When a guy makes an effort to win your heart, there’s just something about that that makes you feel special.
God created you—designed you, and it wasn’t so you can throw yourself at a guy hoping that he notices. Fall in love with Jesus and a godly guy will notice... I promise.
(If you are whining right now saying, “But I am in love with Jesus and no one is noticing” then you need to stop and listen to yourself. Trust me, a dude doesn’t want to pursue a woman who whines!)
#2 - Set High Expectations
This sort of goes along with the first thing, but ladies—let me say this clearly—Ephesians 3:20 says that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, which means that you should not look at a guy and say, “I can fix him up and he might work.” As I often say, you are NOT the Holy Spirit—“fixing people” is the job of Jesus… not you!
When you get married you need to be willing to say, “I will love this person AS IS for the rest of my life, if NOTHING changes I will love them!” BECAUSE, when you get married, change is NOT a guarantee. So don’t listen to promises of change if evidence is not shown beforehand.
I am SICK and TIRED of godly Christian young ladies settling because of insecurities in their lives OR because their friends are getting married and they think that they are going to be 28 and single—which would be the end of the world!!! I have seen girls get here and panic—and then date and marry some dude, only to be in divorce court in less than five years—which brings about another set of issues altogether!
Ladies—remember—Ephesians 3:20! Is he more than you could ever ask for or imagine?
#3 - Don’t Over Analyze!
Girls are HORRIBLE at this…a guy will ask them out and they will think the following…
- “He just asked me out—what does he mean by going “out?”
- “If I go out this once then does that mean we are dating?”
- “What if I don’t like going out with him—and he asks me out again?”
- “Is he thinking marriage? Oh my—if we had kids they just wouldn’t be cute!”
- “He hasn’t called me in a day, he hates me, did I have broccoli in my teeth?”
I could literally go on and on…but ladies, if a guy ask you out and you want to go—then go, and don’t spend the 72 hours before and after trying to analyze things that probably will never happen. Seriously, God probably hasn’t even invented some of the problems that ladies get stressed out about—CHILL!
#4 - Be Honest!
If I have one pet peeve with girls…it’s this. They will go out with a guy, say they had a great time…he will ask can they go out again and she says, “Call me.”
So he calls…and calls…and calls! The girl never answers when she sees its him on caller ID, she thinks if she ignores him then he may just go away. BUT, because he’s a guy and probably a little clueless—he keeps calling.
Finally they accidentally run into each other somewhere…I say “accidentally” because she had NO INTENTIONS of ever speaking to him again. He says, “I’ve been trying to call you,” and she replies, “Really…yeah, uh, I’ve been…uh…you know…busy.”
He says, “That’s cool—I understand…so, what are you doing tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow night? Uh…well…uh…I have plans.” (This is always the safest answer, right?)
“Plans—well what about the night after that…”
This conversation goes on and on with the girl making some obscure reference to having to check her schedule and for him to call her—and the game goes on.
Ladies—please—be honest. If you like the guy and want to go back out—and he asks you—then say yes. Don’t play games…say yes and go. BUT…if you have no intentions of ever going back out with him again, then please tell him because he is probably driving his friends crazy!!!