Oct 4, 2017

“You’re A Worthless Piece Of Shit!”

"You're A Worthless Piece Of Shit!"

That is the exact thought I woke up with on Thursday morning of last week.  

(I know it's harsh - but I will not sanitize this article to appease those who may be offended at the language and want a scrubbed and safe version of Christianity that simply doesn't work for the world!) 

I got out of bed, walked into my kitchen, made some coffee and opened my Bible and journal...and there it was again...

"You're a worthless piece of shit - God is SO disappointed in you, don't even try reading your Bible!"

In that moment guilt, condemnation and shame flooded my heart and mind like a tsunami...reminding me of...

  • The fact I was fired from a job I love for abusing alcohol. 
  • The fact I lost friendships I thought I would always have in my life.
  • The fact my wife left me and we are still separated..and I am a failure as a husband and father. 
  • The fact I have limited time with my daughter, and feel I have let her down in so many ways.  
  • (All of this because of horrible personal choices I made!)

The list actually continued - and the feelings gave way to a physical pain in my chest I thought was actually a heart attack.  

As I sat there shaking my head over all that was flooding through my mind, a dark cloud formed over me...and the "worthless piece of shit" accusation followed me around all day long!  

I tried to numb the pain by going to the gym, engaging on social media and even having lunch with a buddy - but I could not silence the damning accusation that was crushing the life out of me.  

I tried to pray - but the "God's not listening, He's so disappointed" accusation stopped me before I could get going.  

I literally thought I was going crazy and that maybe I was sinking back into a deep depression that was going to crush the life out of me...


I heard His voice so clearly...

"There is now therefore NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1)

Immediately after the Word came to my mind the voice of accusation followed, "Yes, that's true, but not for you!"

Pause - have you ever had this battle, the one of you accusing yourself and bit by bit throughout the day tearing yourself down?  

I think most of us, if honest, doubt our ability (and God's ability to love us) way more than we doubt others (unless you are a narcissist..and that's an entirely separate issue.)

Once a counselor told me, "Perry, if you spoke to other people the way you speak to yourself you would not have any friends!"

The more I've thought about his statement the more I have realized that the negative self talk, accusations and shame are not actually me talking to myself, but rather allowing the enemy (who is the father of lies - John 8:44) to hijack my mind and cause me to walk in defeat rather than victory.  

If you wrestle with this - my prayer is you will allow the reality that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ wash over you!  
No, it does not take away the pain of the past...but it can give you hope for the future.  

"No condemnation" is not a verse that is true for other people - it's true for YOU, right now, in this moment.  

Finally I snapped back to reality and remember a phrase I have declared from the pulpit...but have never actually believed for myself...that...

"Jesus knew every stupid, sinful, self-centered decision I would ever make, and still created me, called me, equipped me and arranged for the payment of my sin!" 

In Christ what we did is NOT who we are (no matter what others try to label us as...or how long they try to judge as to whether or not we have truly repented!) 

In Christ we are completely forgiven!  

In Christ we are valuable beyond imagination!

And in Christ we are unconditionally loved!  

By Friday morning the accusation was still there (honestly, I don't think it will ever go away), but it had lost its power in my life because I refused to believe the lie of the enemy over the Truth of God's Word!  

And today I am doing SO much better.   My circumstances have not changed, but my perspective has, which is a miracle I am super thankful for!  

I am not a "worthless piece of shit" (and neither are you!)  I pray my battle last week helps someone reading this to fight their battle today!!  

The grace of God washes away all our sin, and enables us to live a life moving forward far greater than any of us could ever imagine!  

BTW...some more truths out of Romans 8 in addition to"no condemnation" in verse one are...

  • Verse 2 - Freedom 
  • Verse 3-4 - Redeemed 
  • Verse 5-8 - Able to win the battle for our minds!
  • Verse 9-11 - Filled with the Spirit (and life!) 
  • Verse 12-13 - Able to resist temptation!
  • Verses 14-17 - Children of God!
  • Verses 18-25 - Able to have hope
  • Verses 26-27 - Not alone
  • Verses 28-31 - Able to rise above circumstances!
  • Verse 32 - Blessed, paid for
  • Verses 33-36 - Defended!
  • Verse 37 - More than conquerors!
  • Verses 38-39 - Unable to be separated from God's Love!!  

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