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Nov 15, 2006  |  Relationships

Five Things A Single Dude NEEDS To Know…

Okay, guys…here we go!  I’ve been wanting to do this one for a long time. Please keep in mind that I made TONS of mistakes as a single dude…so these lessons are NOT all results of my success stories.  BUT…I did manage to do some things right, and I have a red hot wife to prove it. (Thank You, Jesus!!!)

#1 - If You Are Interested In A Girl…YOU Need To Talk To HER.  

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 that he who FINDS a wife finds what is good (AMEN!) Men…it is up to you to FIND a wife…that means YOU are to be the one to initiate things…if you want to be the leader IN the relationship, then you should take steps to be the leader at the start of the relationship!

This means, if you are interested in a girl…you talk to her!!!  You don’t call her friends and ask them to drop hints for you (unless you are a pathetic wimp). You don’t get your friends to drop hints to her friends. BE A MAN! If you want to ask her out…ASK HER OUT! Trust me…her friends don’t want to talk to you about it anymore, and if you keep bothering them they are going to tell HER to stay away from you!

I did this right!  When I finally decided that I was interested in Lucretia, I told a couple of buddies so they could pray for me, and then I had a conversation with her in which I was completely honest and transparent about the way that I felt. She said she would “pray about it” and that she was “not saying no,” which was wasn't exactly encouraging. BUT…I found out later that she always told her friends that if a guy was interested in her then she expected him to talk to her…NOT anyone else.

#2 - When You Talk With Her—BE HONEST & DON’T PLAY GAMES!!!  

One of a man’s top fears is rejection, so in order to avoid this pain and hurt, most men will not come out and say it when they are interested in a girl.  Most dudes won’t say, “I would like to take you out for dinner.” Nope—he plays games…drops hints…all the while hoping that the young lady will pick up on his pathetic attempts to “woo" her and then begin to pursue him.

Dude—stop it!  Right now!!! If you are interested in a young lady—tell her. Just come out and say it. If you are not sure but you think you would like to get to know her better then tell her, “Hey, I would like to get to know you a little better…can we grab supper?”

DO NOT SAY, “Hey…uh…well…maybe, you know, if you like food…uh, do you like food?” hoping that she will say, “Yes, take me to get some.”

Ladies want a man that can be honest, and if you can’t be honest with her from the beginning then how in the world will you ever convince her to trust you in the future?

One more thing: another reason dudes play games is in order to fuel their pathetically weak male ego.  For that reason, they'll string girls along that they are not interested in just so they have someone to make out with on the weekends. To be honest—I want to punch guys like this in the nose. (And if you are ANY sort of man with a daughter and a dude does that to her, you want to punch him as well.  It doesn't matter how "godly” you are!!! :-)

#3 - On The Date—Be Creative

Ladies, please, if a guy ever takes you to supper and then a movie ON THE FIRST DATE...DROP HIM like a bad habit. Trust me.  That relationship has started off on the wrong foot, and here is why:

When you go to a movie on the first date you learn absolutely NOTHING about one another.  There is no interaction and no conversation so when you get home one person will lie to the other one and say they had a nice time.  Reality is, they didn’t have that great of a time because the entire date was invested into getting to know all about the lives of the fictional characters on the screen.

Guys, think enough about her to PLAN the date, and when you PLAN, plan it WELL! (This is where you CAN get advice from her friends.) When you pick her up don’t ask her where she would like to go eat.  HAVE IT PLANNED. (There should be a conversation somewhere about particular restaurants that are liked and are not liked.)

(Note: Movies are NOT a bad date idea…they are just a bad first or second date idea!!!  Take her somewhere where you can have good conversation, ask her questions and get to know her.)

#4 - On The Date—Be A Gentleman

Dude, you have GOT to treat her like a lady. Walk her to her car door and open it for her. I have had guys argue with me and say, “My dad never opens the door for my mom.” I always reply, “Well…maybe your dad is an insensitive jerk!” Just a thought.

(Ladies, if he does not open the door, just stand outside of his car and wait.  He will get the hint. If he doesn’t find you valuable enough to open the door for you, it’s going to go downhill.)

Guys, a lady wants to feel special- like someone really wants to take care of her.  The little things matter really do matter…so open her car door.

And another thing...when you come to her house to pick her up, cut your car off, walk up to the door and ask for her like a man. If you pull up in her driveway and call her cell phone, you are a loser. If you pull up in her driveway and honk your car horn, you are a BIG loser.

(A dude came to pick my sister up once and blew the horn.  She got up to leave and my dad told her to sit down. The guy outside then began to hold down on the horn, and my dad, who had drank a beer or twelve, got up, walked outside, opened his car door and hit him in the nose and knocked him across the car. He said he was going to go home and tell his father, and my father invited him to do so- telling him that he would be glad to give his father the same treatment. The dude left and came back an hour later.  He was cleaned up and apologized for the way he had treated my sister. I LOVE TELLING THAT STORY!!! :-) )

#5 - If She Says “NO,” That Means NO!  

Guys, if you ask a girl out on a date and she tell you no, back off.  Stay away.  You can be her friend but do NOT try to put pressure on her.  It will absolutely freak her out.

I have had so many single dudes tell me, “But Perry, you talk about how you pursued Lucretia for nearly two years before she even went out with you.”

YEP.  That IS true, BUT I was her friend and not a freaky stalker. During my two year friendship with Lucretia we maybe had five conversations about the possibility of us dating one day, and she NEVER told me NO or to never bring the thought up again. We were friends.  We hung out with NO strings attached. She never told me to back off.

If a young lady tells you no and you continue to pursue—dude—you are NOT being romantic, you are being stupid. Let it go!!!

And if you just read this and thought, "That's great Perry, but what about the ladies?? What do we need to know??" Well... I wrote about that, too. Click here for "Four Things A Single Girl Should Know!"

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