Apr 14, 2010  |  Discipleship

10 Things I’ve Learned About Marriage In Ten Years—Part Two

Here are lessons 6-10 following up with yesterday’s post…

#6 - The Purpose Of Conflict Is To SETTLE The Argument…Not Win It!

Lucretia called me out on this one night when I was getting my rear end whipped during a disagreement we were having.  So…in a desperate move I began to change the subject, to bring up things that had NOTHING to do with what we were discussing.  I was doing it to try to get out of the hole I had dug for myself…and then she said she felt like I was trying to win instead of really caring about settling the conflict.  BUSTED!  Staying focused on an issue and trying to settle THAT issue isn’t just a good idea for marriage…it’s essential!

#7 - Don’t Ever Go To Bed Mad At One Another!

Unresolved conflict will KILL a marriage!  (See Ephesians 4:25-26!)  AND…it gives the enemy a foothold so that he can then climb all over a couple.  There is NEVER a good reason for two people who love Jesus and love one another to not deal with an issue that is stealing intimacy away from that couple.

#8 - You Cannot Hold Your Spouse Accountable For Unspoken, Unrealistic Expectations!

Like it or not…your spouse cannot read your mind—period!

#9 - Intimacy Is Not Limited To A Sexual Experience!

AND…if you think it is then there is probably ZERO intimacy in your marriage.   AND…you CAN have sex without having intimacy.  BUT (guys…read this please) you can’t have intimacy without having sex!!!  When a couple (specifically the man) will focus on creating a romantic environment rather than just getting her in bed, thus making her feel valuable, romantic and pursued…well…then…uh…DANG!

#10 - It Takes Work To Make It Work!

I hear couples say from time to time, “But Pastor P…marriage is SO HARD!”  My response is always, “duh…and water’s SOOOO wet!”  Yes it’s hard…if it were easy then 50% of all marriages would not be ending in divorce!!!  If we want the most OUT of marriage then we’ve got to be willing to work IN the marriage and ON the marriage!  EVERY couple that I know that has a successful marriage did not achieve that success by accident…it took intentional, focused and unselfish WORK to make it happen!!!

BTW…let me say this because my wife DOES read my blog.  I said that I have learned these 10 lessons…BUT let me be VERY clear that I have NOT mastered them!!!  I’m a work in progress…and am so thankful that I am married to a woman who understands that!

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