Now THAT’s Funny!

Dec 19, 2005

I have to laugh to keep from crying! I love this stuff…

Before I begin let me say that the purpose of this post is two fold…

#1 - For those who are members/attenders of NewSpring…I am going to address some things I have heard about me and our church that are…well…funny if you think about it.

#2 - For pastors/leaders of other churches who swing by here from time to time…I hope this post encourages you to hang in there—no matter WHAT others may say or think of you.

Basically the thesis is this—people talk…and when they don’t know all of the information pertaining to the subject they are discussing they begin to fill in the blanks with their own idea—thus the birth of a RUMOR takes place.

Rumors are started by stupid people—that’s right…I said STUPID! :-) These people either do not care enough to investigate information to see whether or not it is true—or they KNOW the information probably isn’t that reliable—but they talk about it anyway.

Leaders—understand that if you are doing something significant for the kingdom people will say things that are untrue about you and/or your church. It’s a fact of life—saying all of that let me share my favorite rumors of the year so far—these are great…

#1 - In order to join NewSpring a person/family has to present us with their tax return information for the past five years.

Now that’s funny! Where do people come up with this stuff? And if this were true—I could not be a member—I have no idea where that information is.

And no—I didn’t make that up—that is really a rumor in our community! We teach Biblical stewardship; however, I don’t want to know about other people’s tax situation…I have my hands full dealing with my own.

#2 - We don’t teach from the Bible OR even allow them in the service!

That’s right! One of the teams you can join at NewSpring is the Bible police team. This is a group of dedicated individuals who guard the doors and force Bibles out of the hands of people who would dare to carry God’s Word around…

Just kidding!

First of all—people who say we do not teach Scripture have NEVER attended a service at our church—if they had they would know that the rumor above is a lie. And secondly—a few months ago I did a sermon on reading Scripture—and then we GAVE Bibles away at the end of the service.

WHAT WAS THAT? Do you think we actually gave away Bibles and said, “Here you go—now don’t bring this back!”

Where did we get the Bibles that we gave away? From the Bible police, of course. (Actually—we bought them!!!)

#3 - We are putting ATM’s in our new building!

I just heard this one yesterday! Fortunately, a church member heard this and called a trustee to ask if the information was true—and he was told it wasn’t.

Where do people get this stuff? We do have some really cool modern inventions in the church—lights, heat, and elevator—and yes—indoor plumbing! However, we did not install ATM’s.

(On a side note—I was joking with someone earlier this morning about this rumor and he said that he wished we would because he always has to go by an ATM on Sunday’s after church to get money for lunch!)

#4 - I have a $30,000 a year food expense budget!

Uh, yep—this is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard! I do love to eat! However, 30k a year?

I do have an expense account; however, I assure you it is WAY under 30k.

Someone in the community trying to defend this rumor has said, “But he always eats at Sullivans—why is he always eating there?”

Uh, maybe I like the food! :-) And maybe I can afford it! :-) When you are not maxed out in debt you can eat there once or twice a week—and enjoy it!

#5 - I have a personal bodyguard!

This is funny! Quick question…and I am not bragging…but have you seen me? I am 6’ 6” tall and weight 220—does it LOOK like I NEED a bodyguard?

There is a dude named Jake who hangs out with me on Sunday’s. Why? Because Jake is responsible for pastoral care AND does a great deal of counseling in our church.

Often times people will approach me on Sunday’s and wish to discuss an issue…and instead of telling them all about Jake and then putting them off…right there on the spot I can say, “This is Jake—he handles those issues at our church and would love to speak with you about that.” Jake has had so many opportunities to minister to people, pray with people…and even lead people to Christ because of his role on Sunday’s.

I know, I know—some people think I should do all that stuff. I will not argue—I will just say that if I did do all that around here that our church would probably be at around 100 people. One of the reasons NewSpring has grown is that I am not cocky and arrogant enough to think that I can do it all—I know my strengths and weaknesses…I develop my strengths and delegate my weaknesses—that is how it’s done…in my opinion. :-)

That’s about it—any “rumors” that I missed?