10 Things I’ve Learned About Marriage In Ten Years…Part One

Last week my amazing wife and I celebrated 10 years of marriage…and during that time I’ve learned A LOT!  (AND still have SO MUCH more to learn!)  Here are a few things…

#1 - Never “Talk Yourself Into Marrying A Person!”  You had better KNOW!

When it came to marrying Lucretia it wasn’t something that I had to convince myself was the right thing to do…I knew she was the one for me.  (And she would say the same thing!)  If you go into the marriage with serious doubts then you will be tempted to sprint out of it at the first sign of trouble (and trouble WILL find you!)  If you are trying to convince yourself that he/she is “right” for you then you may be on VERY dangerous ground!  I know God has called me into this marriage and will fill me with the strength to sustain it…even during the tough times!  (Philippians 1:6)

#2 - Marriage Is Not About What You Can Get…It’s About What You Can Give!

When a person enters marriage with a list of expectations that they want the other person to meet then there are going to be “issues!”  We’ve got to view marriage NOT as an opportunity to be served…but rather to serve.  Just think…how awesome would marriages be if each person did all that they could to try and outserve the other person!

#3 - To Expect Another Person To Meet All Of Your Needs Is Incredibly Selfish!

I HATE IT when a couple is having problems and I begin talking with them and then one person says, “Well…they just aren’t meeting my needs!”  First of all…another person will NEVER meet all of our needs…EVER!  And…second of all, the person who is usually doing the complaining probably doesn’t have a halo on…in other words, they probably aren’t “meeting the needs” of the other person!  Many marriages fall apart not because of “irreconcilable differences” but rather unrepentant, selfish people!

#4 - Have Fun Together!

When couples date they have fun…when they get married it seems there is a sprint to become as “normal” as possible as soon as possible.  Guess what—normal sucks!  The LAST thing I want to be is a “normal married couple!”

#5 - “Quality Time” Does Not Mean “Let’s Have A Conversation During The Commercials!”

OUCH…this one has taken me longer to learn that I would like to admit.  Unfortunately…men LOVE to get home and turn on the television, even if they aren’t watching it…we just are addicted to noise.  AND…trying to talk to her AND watch it ISN’T romantic in her book (and “her book” is the ONLY one that should matter!)  If a couple does not carve out intentional time for communication…it WON’T happen.  This means there needs to be a lot less tv/twitter/facebook in a lot of peoples lives!